sheliveshebelieveshelove

2011-07-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

If you chase him in a black nightie, first he'll have sex with you... and then he'll run. He runs because the woman's behavior doesn't suggest that she places a high value on herself.

2011-03-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

Hello blog. Aku tahu sudah lama aku tidak kongsi isi hati aku. Banyak perkara yang terjadi tidak sengaje dan terjadi dengan relanya. Seperti di rumah di sekolah kawan-kawan dan kehidupan aku. Tentang rumah, masih sama lagi keadaannya, cume orang yang maha esa sahaja faham dan mengerti perasaan, hajat dan juga niat aku baik dalam kehidupan dan juga kerjayaan. Officer hubungi mak aku cakap permulaan bulan March sudah boleh tahu keputusannya dapat rumah tapi hingga hari ini tidak. Sedih, meraung mungkin perkatan yang sesuai buat diri aku, sebab sudah 2 tahun aku sudah berpunya bilik tersendiri dan rumah sendiri, seperti kehilangan sesuatu yang amat hargai. Masalah duit sudah tidak jadi masalah yang penting bagi aku lagi, sekarang aku ingin adalah tempat teduh yang sudah lama aku inginkan. Tetang sekolah dan kawan-kawan rumit dan amat mengbinggungkan jika aku ceritakan kepada kamu. Kerana semua manusia berubah sekelip mata sama dengan aku. Aku selalu perhatikan semua kawan-kawan aku tetapi bukan kali ini kerana aku sudah letih dengan masalah manusia, kadang-kadang aku tengok sudah macam keadaan di tempat haiwan. Seperti monyet berbicara, singa garang dan banyak lah lagi. Tetapi satu yang aku tidak faham kenapa manusia suka merumitkan sesuatu perkara yang kecil menjadi besar. Mengapa seseorang itu suka terasa dan merasa sesuatu yang bukan tentang mereka? Dam bagaimana aku mahu mengelakkan daripada situasi itu sedangkan seseorang suka memperburukkan keadaan situasi aku? Aku bukan kaya, aku bukan cantik, aku bukan sombong. Aku semua sama seperti kamu semua. Apa yang buat kamu katakan begitu tentang aku? Apa kesilapan aku sampaikan kamu membuang kata-kata seperti gitu. Aku tidak mintak apa-apa balasan dari kau tapi patah hati aku dibuatnya. Sesuatu hajat, niat dan pertolongan yang aku berikan bukan untuk dibalas dengan apa-apa bukan pun ucapan terima kasih yang aku perlukan, aku perlukan kau sahaja sudah lebih dari cukup. Apa yang kau tidak suka tentang diri aku ini, sehinggakan aku sudah tidak tahu apa lagi yang kau inginkan daripada aku. Sedangkan kau sudah lama kenal diri aku ini, kenapa kau seperti begini sedangkan aku tahu kau tidak seperti begini. Aku rasa aku tidak layak untuk bersama dengan kamu semua lagi kerana aku sudah puas dikecewakan begini. Aku minta maaf jika apa aku buat dekat diri kau selama ini amat menyakitkan kau walaupun aku tahu aku tidak bersalah.Sekali lagi aku sama seperti kamu semua ada kekurangan ada kelebihan tetapi cuba faham keadaan dan situasinya sebelum mengatakan apa-apa sama juga seperti aku. Sekian terima kasih. Aku tahu aku sudah lama tidak kongsi perasaan ini kerana sibuk dengan kerja sekolah dan hal rumah. Hari ini aku mengambil kesempatan untuk menkongsikan isi hati aku. Mulai sekarang aku cuma tunggu tiba masanya apabila aku diperlukan, dan tidak diabaikan lagi seperti dahulunya kerana aku sudah letih dan tidak mahu apa-apa lagi busuk hati diantara satu sama lain. Jika aku boleh sabar dan bertahan dengan sikap kau yang suka keras kepala dan ego dengan aku. Aku berserah sahaja.

2011-02-17T05:53:00.000-08:00

Some Interesting Items Check Out My Facebook, Simple Just search for Messy Maii, and browse the album on 'Some Interesting Items For Everyone' Please take a look and pm me at facebook. I will update the pictures here too asap. Thanks!

2010-12-30T21:23:00.000-08:00

Hari ini hari terakhirnya tamat sudah tahun 2010. Menjelangnya 2011 dalam masa berapa jam lagi. Perasaan tak sabar, gementar, takot, gemnira dengan macam-macam lagi. Hidup banyak sekali berubahan dan juga perkara yang berlaku. Keluarga sentiasa berada dalam keadaan yang sama. Harap tahun 2011 yang akan menjelang ini mudah-mudahan memberi sedikit cahaya kepada hidup saya sekeluarga dan juga muanusia yang ada dimuka bumi ini. Amin.

HARI INI JUGA HARI GEMBIRA SAYA KERANA MENDAPAT KEPUTUSAN UJIAN AKHIR TAHUN UNTUK TAHUN PERTAMA SAYA DI ITE. UNTUK TAHUN INI SAYA BOLEH KATAKAN ADALAH CUKUP MENCABAR KESABARAN DAN JUGA EMOSI SAYA. SAYA BERSYUKUR KERANA DIBERI PELUANG UNTUK MENCUBA YANG LAGI BAIK DARI YANG SEBELUMNYA. KEPUTUSAN SAYA TAK LAH BEGITU MAHIR DAN BIJAK KATANYA TAPI BAIK DAN CUKUP LAH UNTUK SAYA MERASAKAN KECEMERLANGAN YANG SERDAHANA BAGI DIRI DAN JUGA IBU, SEBABNYA SAYA TAK MAHU IBU RISAU DENGAN KEADAAN SAYA SEPERTI BEGINI. IBU MAHU SAYA BAHAGIA DAN 'ENJOY' DENGAN TEMAN-TEMAN. TAPI SAYA MEMILIH UNTUK TIDAK MELALUKANNYA. MAAF IBU KERANA SAYA ADA KEBAHAGIAAN SAYA IAITU IBU. MELIHAT IBU GEMBIRA SAYA TURUT GEMBIRA.

KEBEBASAAN YANG IBU BERIKAN SUDAH LEBIH DARI CUKUP BUAT DIRI SAYA. TAPI SAYA FIKIR KEBEBASAAN ITU BUKAN SEGALA-GALANYA. SAYA TIDAK MAHU LUPA DIRI DAN LUPA ASAL-USUL. BILA SAYA 'ENJOY' DAN ADA HIDOP SENDIRI. SAYA TAU IBU IKHLAS TAPI SAYA MAHU PELAJARI DARI IBU SEPERTI MANA IBU PERNAH PESAN 'JANGAN KERANA SESUATU MEMBUAT KAMU MEMBENCIKAN ORANG DAN JANGAN PERNAH SESEKALI KAMU BERDENDAM DALAM KEHIDUPAN.

SAYA DIDIRIKAN DENGAN HIDUP YANG SEMPURNA. SEJAK TAHUN INI SAYA SUDAH MENINGKAT 18 TAHUN FIKIRAN SAYA SEMAKIN 'OLD-SCHOOL'. MUNGKIN, AGAKNYA. SAYA BANYAK MEMERHATI TEMAN-TEMAN YANG SEDARJAH DENGAN SAYA DAN MEMPELAJARINYA. SITUASI KELUARGA TAK BANYAK YANG BERLAKU CUMA MACAM BIASA LAH MASALAH YANG SAMA DITUGU-TUGU. KALAU KEADAAN DISEKOLAH SUDAH TIDAK MACAM DULU LAGI, SEKARANG LAGUNYA SUDAH BERUBAH, MASING-MASING ADA URUSUAN SENDIRI. SUDAH TIDAK MACAM DULU KALA LAGI. TERINGAT MASA TEMAN-TEMAN WAKTU KITA BERSAMA DULU. TAPI YA, SEMUA ORANG BERUBAH TERMASUK SAYA. CUMA SAYA APA SAYA TAHU NAWAITU SAYA MAHU BETOL UNTUK APA YANG SAYA USAHKAN.

AZAM BARU ? SEMUA ORANG MAHUNYA AZAM BARU, SEPERTI MAHUNYA KEHIDUPAN YANG LEBIH INDAH, MAHUNYA KEBEBASAN TERSENDIRI, ADA PULA MAHUNYA WANG YANG BERLEBIHHAN. SAYA TIDAK FAHAM DENGAN TOPIC WANG. JIKA SAYA DIPERTANYAKAN ADAKAH WANG ITU PENTING BAGI HIDUP KAMU? SAYA KATAKAN TIDAK.

KERANA SAYA PERLUKAN WANG ITU MEMBELI APA YANG SAYA MAHU BUKAN KEHENDAK. DAN WANG BUKAN LAH SESUATAU YANG SAYA INGINKAN DALAM KEHIDUPAN SAYA. SEBAB SAYA TAU WANG BOLEH BUAT SEMUE ORANG LUPA DIRI MASING-MASING. SAYA INGIN MAJU DENGAN CARA YANG BETUL. BUKAN CARA YANG SALAH. SAYA GEMBIRA WALAUBAGAIMANAPUN KEADAAN KELUARGA SAYA, TETAP USAHA UNTUK MENDAPATKAN SESUATU. AMIN.

AZAM BARU SAYA ADALAH TIDAK MEMINTAK LEBIH, SAYA AMAT SANGAT BERTERIMA KASIH DENGAN TEMAN DAN JUGA KELUARGA SAYA MEMBERI DORANGAN YANG AMAT KUAT BAGI SAYA. AZAM BARU ADALAH SAYA BERDOA SEBANYAK YANG MAMPU UNTUK MENDAPAT RUMAH SENDIRI, SUDAH RINDU DAN TERINGIN SANGAT SAYA DUDUK DAN MENATAP DIRUMAH SENDIRI, BILIK SENDIRI. SEMUANYA SENDIRI.

DAN JUGA RAHAMTILAH KELUARGA DAN TEMAN-TEMAN SAYA YANG AMAT PENTING BAGI HIDUP SAYA. AMIN. INI SAJA SAYA MAHU BERKONGSI ISI HATI SAYA. UNTUK AKHIRNYA TAHUN 2010. JIKA ADA SALAH SILAP SAYA PADA TEMAN-TEMAN ATAU SESIAPA SAYA MOHON MAAF JIKA TERSINGGUNG HATI ATAU SEBAGAINYA.

2010-10-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

Relationship is like climbing a rope. Climbing a rope. Without the knots, it’s not easy for you to climb it. The knots represents moments that cause you to bond together, like fighting with each other, spending happy time with each other, surprising each other and etc. These knots are the factors that helps you to continue climbing the rope which in this case is your relationship.
If the knots are close to each other, you will have difficulty climbing the rope too. Like, if you guys are constantly happy, no special surprises or what so ever. The relationship will be dull. As we know, we don’t grab the knot to climb the rope, we grab the part above the knot to help pull us up. If the knot is continuously next to each other. we may have problems grabbing moving up, because it’s not easy to grab the knot as it is big. It’s only there to help your hand from sliding down and act as a rest for you.Therefore, in relationships. Being constantly happy is not good too. You need to surprise each other which means, being extra happy, so that there will be a knot to help you move up. Same for fighting.
It’s okay for you to fight, but if the fight keeps going on and on continuously. The knots will be next to each other. It won’t be easy for you to grab the next part of the rope, not saying that your relationship will end there, but with power of love, nothing is impossible, I’m sure you can reach for the next part easily.

Some ropes may be short, some ropes may be long. some ropes may be rough and might hurt you, some might be smooth.

Being smooth is not good either, because when you encounter the rough part of the journey, you will face a greater setback.

Therefore, in love. Don’t go for the straight road. Go for the hills instead where you can go up and down together.

2010-10-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

Heyhey, its been quite sometimes i update with you. Many things is still on-going with family, and my life. Alot of things indeed happen in my family and life. Such as, my family still not stable yet, HDB not yet to approved our reduction of the cah proceed somehow, and things are only planned between my parents and brother since im not yet to know anything but still im included into the family right? Haih. Many things are playing in my head. Like a music that keep playing the same tone and same melody again and again. Try to imagine that, you have someone that only you share but you live together in the same roof but just because he said something that might be somehow joke with the others but you were crying infront of your family and your boyfriend, how would you feel then? Is it funny and somehow you're trying to rephrase that you regret giving me my monthly expenses money. That amount is not enough for me yes but did i tell you that i want more?! No right, then why are you telling me that, even someone in the family didn't agreed with your idea and especially your love ones hah?! Shit you're just fool of Crap did you know that, at fist you were telling me i"m giving you so that Mother can have some savings and have her pocket money for herself. Right, I am lazy to work to find my own pocket money, and i'm hopeless, 'KOSONG', i'm 'EMPTY', nothing but ONLY me. YES! I know that my own and that is me and NO ONE can stopped me from not working. But since You're pushing it hard on me and making me work, fine i will one day. But not now, Why have you ever think about what is going on now with the family? Have you ever think atleast how is it difficult for me to work and study at the same time? How will i coped with things if its already in a messed? I'm trying to organize things back to where it was but have you ever think that for me atleast as a brother? I guess No, right? Haih. Everything that is happening, i just keep things to myself but when its yours, I didn't even bother to said anything because what i told myself, arghh, neh, nevermind, afterall he's my brother. If you don't want to give that monthly expense then it's okayy i don't mind at all. All i want is you to understnd my situation and thats all count. I don't need your money. What i need is your understanding and keep believing in me. And why i'm strong until now, because of someone i may not consider he's the best of all but he's my best companion i ever had so far this year and i don't wished if he is not by my side whenever and whereever i need him. So, please, try your best maybe just take this as a brother and sister that is all i asked for since ever we grew up, i never felt a love from a brother. When you left for work i wished that everything will be fine at work and when you come back, i just can't wait to hear you complaint about work what up and what going on everything. But thats one of the reason why, i'm not stick at home, there is NOONE i could turned on and count on in this family. Haih. I'm breaking down now into pieces now. I got nothing to blog now bloggy. I hope you too understands hope i feel right. Thanks for the time Nur hidayat! I'm sorry if i'm not in a good and hyper mood right. I hope you understands too right. Thanks for the time to send me to clinic. And i ate my medicine already. =)

2010-09-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

THREE WORDS I CAN SAY ABOUT YOU,
I HATE YOU !!

2010-08-31T14:17:00.001-07:00

I'm not proud of myself. I was just thinking where did I went wrong of misjudging everyone that use to called 'friends'. After school

re-open, I find that many things is in a mess including myself. Why is people surrounding me acting weird and akward with me around

them. I was just reflecting that We were used to understands each other but not anymore now, and I'm confused with the things

that just going around like a flying messages to humans. Is this what you assume on that I was saying is wrong or was I saying the wrong thing that might hurt you or you thought I was being bad towards humans? Why must this happen am I suppose to answered this or someone can answered it for me. Or am I just a toy that you thought I was cheating on humans feelings? Or am I worse then an animal then? I realise that growing older is a lesson for me to learn and earn an yet this thing happen again. When was the last time when I was caught in situation like this, 2 years ago I guess and its a totally testing my patience. And mentally physically, making me drop-down towards the earth, like you were being push towards the ground and humans just keep stepping on you while myself just keeping to herself and realise that people just can't stopped pushing her and testing her. With pride, diginity, souls, feelings. She keeps everything to herself to the extend that why faces can't stop assume things that never should have happend. Like someone told me Don't ASSUME things because it make an ASS out of YOU and ME. And I'm still thinking and not making any conclusion due to I just an human as same as you If I did mistake by hook or crook that even I did not do forgive me, approach me says something correct me and lastly I will thanked you for doing so because you too is human and we all do mistakes and we are never prefect, only practice makes prefect. I'm happy for you, with your achievements but you take it as I'm envy with all of you humans. But still I did not judge and I know if I did wrong or something bad I will own up my mistakes but since I know my own the best even people surrounds you who can judge yourself but still you yourself knows better. And my apologies if I did wrong or mistakes that you take it as somehow personal. Doesn't mean I'm no longer with people I used to mingle around I being hypocrite or betrayed you humans. Why should I do that when I know I needed the most person to talked with use to called 'friends' but now there's no longer anymore I supposed. And I know being what I used to be is not impossible for me still I can survive without people surrouddings its just I want to or I choice to be.

Like I was saying reflecting when and what was it when the first time I saw each and everyone. Remember every little bit of the scenario during the days that use to called 'bonding' and 'laughter'. I thought we understands each other but never did I know I was wrong eventually. And I thought looking back at the picture you gave me, never did I regret knowing each and every humans that use to share, laugh, smile and cry together. Looking at the pictures tear me out and asking myself what on earth did I just did to make you feel so pissed off with me.

Did I somehow hurt your feeling or did I just ever did something bad to you until you hate me so much that you have the feeling that I was being a 'bitch' around people company's? Or did I just say something that you take it as somehow looking down on you humans? Being able to having blog like this clear my chest-out and I hoped these things just end. And again a question or two, Am I really what you thinked I am? Or Are sure what you were telling humans true about what I am. Lastly, my apologies again and I'm not proud of myself, like I said i was happy and amazed for your achievements. To whom it may concern.

TO KPOP FANS OUT THERE!

2010-08-03T07:44:00.001-07:00

TO KPOP FANS OUT THERE,

MY FIRENDS AND I ARE DOING SOME FUND CHARITY.

WE ARE SELLING KPOP MERCHANDISE SUCH AS

TAGS, BADGES, AND MANY OTHERS THINGS ARE COMING UP

ON PLAN.

IF YOU HAVE ANY ENQUIRIES FEEL FREE TO VIEW OUR

BLOG kpop-foracause.blogspot.com OR EMAIL US AT shinning.smiles@hotmail.com

DO GIVE US UR FEEDBACK

THANK YOU :) <3<3

2010-07-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

I JUST REALISED TODAY THAT MY BF GETTING MORE AND MORE GETTING ON MY NERVES IS NOT THAT I WANT BLAME HIM ALL BUT HE'S GETTING OVER MY LIMITS AND ITS KILLING ME. HE VERY NGADE-NGADE AND I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE FOR NOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS HE TRYING TO DO NOW. I KNOW HE IS LIKE THAT BUT HE CAN'T MAKE IT AS A NORMAL THING TO HIM MEANING JADI KEBIASAAN PULAK NAK NGADE-NGADE. LIKE AS IF OTHER PEOPLE DON'T HAVE FEELINGS LIKE YOU DO. COM'ON LAH IF YOU WANT TO BE QUIET AND DON'T WANT TO ANSWER OTHER PEOPLE ANSKED YOU WHY AND ARE YOU OKAY, THEN I'M ASKING YOU NOW YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME DON'T BE QUIET AND BE MUTED LIKE YOU ARE MUTE. BEING WITH ME, YOU MUST TALK WHEN ITS TIME TO TALK BUT IF YOU DON'T, I THINK YOU SHOULD THINK BACK BEFORE WANT TO BE WITH ME. ITS NOT I'M GETTING OFF MY ANGER BUT THIS IS REALITY NOT FANTASY OKAY?!

I'M NOT BEING RIDICULOUS BUT THIS IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAID. I'M JUST BEING THE SAME ME BEFORE YOU KNOW ME OKAY, AND FYI, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY NOW DAYS I JUST HATED YOU SO MUCH TILL THE EXTEND NOT BECAUSE WHAT YOU DID ON 31JULY AT CERTAIN TIME. YOU KNOW WHAT ITS NOT I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU ON STRAIGHT ON YOUR FACE BUT I'M AFRAID YOU MIGHT BE ASHAMED OF ME TELLING YOU ALL THIS. MAYBE I REMEMBER WHAT YOU DREAMT OF THAT I LEFT YOU BECAUSE YOU SO THE NGADE-NGADE MY INSTINCT TELLS ME IT MIGHT BE TRUE BUT I'M TRYING ME BEST AND KEEP TRYING HARD TO BE PATIENT WITH YOU. SO THANK GOD THAT YOU HAVE ME INSTEAD YOU MAKE ME LEAVE YOU FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. WAKE UP AND MAKE UP YOUR MIND NURHIDAYAT YOU TOLD ME TO SHARE NOW I SHARE UNDERSTOOD? PLEASE LAH I GOT MANY IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE WORRIED OF RATHER THEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU OKAY? PLEASE I JUST HAVE PUT MY TRUST ON YOU AND DON'T MAKE ME CHANGE MY MIND THAT YOU ARE ALSO SAME AS WHAT HAD HAPPEND WITH MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP, AND I GOT FEELING YOU'RE HEART IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT ME.

2010-07-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

today was great at school everything when smoothly in class but i was late for the second time today and yesterday. half-an hour late, i'm always the one always early but not for these 2days so far.

hmmm, talking about the misunderstanding was going -on in class, that i wasn't known about, until i myself try to understand the situations. ahahaha, it was funny actually but quite horrible everyone was turning into some-kind of animal uhs.

but its was done even there still someone unhappy about things that unsatisfied with things that was going-on. talking about school and myself, how about my family then?

ermm, things aren't that well-enough but for me it's fine and acceptable even the house was damn dirty and full of my enemies which is cockroach and lizard, and fungi everywhere at the wall. me and my bby clean the room first then in the next following morning my bby clean the kitchen along with mom and dad, never did i noticed, bby didn't sacred of those of my enemies, gooshh what on earth is him?

lol:) i was shouting EEEEEEEE almost everytime i saw bby take and throw my enemies, wth!

now, blogg as usual and many things i have to put in my brain, CTO, RTY, DTC ....

and most recently happen was my bby was tired and he wants pillow that i use to put the lappy then he want the pillow i'm using then it was HOOTT then he go and put at his face then he SHOUT HOTTTTT !!!! LOL !!!

I LAUGH VERY LOUD AND HE SAID DON'T BLOGG ABOUT THIS

GTG !!! FETCH MY MOMMMY !!!!

XOXO :*

LOVEYOU ALL !!!

pissed off with everyone

2010-07-04T07:41:00.000-07:00

tomorrow school yet no one going to send the two little monkeys to sch and guess what. Dad giving many sort of reason to avoid send them to school. Damn it!!! Shit!! Full of nonsense !!!!

No one willing to give in for once for goodness sake please mind you, tomorrow my 1st day start school. And this is what i get ???

please lah try give in lah .. till when want to be like this idiot !!!???!!!

Full of SHIT !!! Benci sakk !!! Fed up!!!

semue tau nak keje abeh aku takyah skola peh ??!!!

Eh!!!!?? pikir ar .... nights ... friends sorry but this is what going on in life currrently ... for fyi.. i feeling very shit right now and seriously people making me sick and hate them all !!!!!

2010-07-03T05:50:00.001-07:00

I simple adore this dress. I found it at the tea and cakes blog and most people wearing it. :)

Here is one more picture goes. And its also quite simple yet nice. Casual wearing.

And most of them are at bugis street need to find them with patient, and i got one similiar one like this and its flower.

why ?

2010-07-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

sebulan cuti sekolah tapi apakan daya aku tidak menghiburkan diri aku. Aku kini berperasaan gembira, suka, tapi ada saja yang tidak kena dengan diri ini seperti aku merasakan perasaan geram dan marah tapi waktu yang sama aku rasa kasihan. Kenapa? Aku menagis tapi tidak tahu mahu mengadu pada siapa, tapi awak jika dalam susuah mencari saya? Hati aku sakit sekali dengan harapan dan juga kesabaran yang kamu berikan. Kamu seolah-olah mencabar jiwa dan juga batin saya. Kamu seorang wanita yang baik dan sempurna tapi kenapa kamu berbuat sedemikian kepada saya? Saya juga ada perasaan seperti anak-anak yang lain. Saya tekat dan tawakal dengan keaadaan yang tidak berapa sempurna. Saya punya teman dan dia selalu faham penjelasan saya kenapa sebaliknya tidak kamu yang memahami saya sedangkan kamu telah melahirkan saya dan jaga saya dari kaki sekecil tapak tanganmu dan sekarang sebesar leganmu ? Saya gembira apabila kamu turut gembira. Tadi siangan saya bertemu dengan kawan-kawan sekolah, rancangnya mahu ke sentosa tetapi hujan lebat jadi kita semua pergi bersia-sia di marina square. Saya gembira bertemu kawan-kawan. tapi apabila menerima berita dari kamu bahawa kamu tidak jadi membelikan saya laptop saya jadi kecewa seperti kamu telah memberikan saya harapan bahawa kamu akan menghadiahkan kepada saya walaupun lambat atau cepat tapi kamu kata kamu tidak jadi, bagaimana lagunya berubah sekelip mata begitu sekali? Saya geram, hampa dengan sedih. Apa sebenarnya salah saya kepada kamu hingga kamu selalu berbuat aku begini? Aku mahukan penjelasan dari kamu? Aku pun manusia biasa juga, kenapa anak-anak lain boleh menghiburkan kehidupannya tapi tidak saya? Saya perlukan kehidupan sendirian. Saya bukan membantah kata-kata kamu tapi kamu sudah kelebihan, saya sudah 18 tahun dengan apa yang saya punya adalah keluarga yang serdahana dengan tidak lansung memahami situasi saya. Kamu kata abang selalu suka mintak lebih dari baginya lebih, apa saya mampu buat jika abang itu seperti telur bermata dimata kamu? Kamu tahu kan saya tidak suka tegor orang yang saya sayangi, lagi-lagi keluarga sendiri. Saya terluka dengan sikap kamu sejak kebelankangan ini, kamu sering marah-marah dan menunjukkan perasaan kepada saya. Saya cuba menjadi anak perempuan yang rajin dan mungkin yang tidak sekurangajar kepada kedua ibu bapa. Saya keliru kepada semua ini berlaku kepada saya. Saya mahu menjelaskan semuanya jika boleh, tapi kamu tidak pernah mengambil sedikit masa lapang kamu untuk mendengar penjelasan saya. Kamu mungkin tidak kejam tapi kenapa kamu buat saya benci kepada kamu hingga saya tidak tahan lagi ? Sudah cukup saya bersabar dengan karenah adik-adik kenapa semua orang begini ? Kenapa? Saya tidak tahu apa lagi yang saya ingin lakukan. Tapi apa saya tahu tahun ini adalah tahun untuk saya melanjutkan ilmu pelajaran saya dan juga kehidupan saya bukan ini yang saya mahukan tapi kenapa semuanya ditolakkan kepada saya tiada orang lainkah yang bisa mengambil alih tempat saya? Saya seperti dihargai sebagai seorang luar bukan sebagai anak sendiri. Saya memang tidak tahu masak tapi saya cuba jadi saya pelajari semuanya. Tapi apa yang saya terima kalau perlian dari abang. Saya tahu saya lemah dan saya tidak kuat tai saya tetep tempuhi segala rintagan yang anda berikan. Kamu tahu saya selalu fikir bagaimana keadaannya jika keluarga saya ada tempat teduh sendiri dan bilik masing-masing, sungguh indah sekali tapi keadaan berubah, dan saya seperti kuli di rumah membuat kerja rumah. Saya bukan mengunkit semuanya tapi ini kenyataan yang apa sendang berlaku kepada saya dan saya tidak ngerti sekali kenapa abang sejak kerja selalu sibuk dengan tidak ada masa untuk keluarga dan tidak seperti dulu lagi. Abang yang saya kenal adalah abang yang penyayang dan selalu ambil ber tentang adik-adiknya. Tapi kini semuanya berubah sekelip mata sahaja. Sejak abang tunang, abang jadi seorang yang tidak punya perasaan lagi dan sikap yang concern dan dia kini tidak banyak perbualannya. Saya sedih, kenapa keluarga saya walaupun susah tapi kehidupan setiap orang anggota dirumah semuanya seperti sudah tidak bernyawa. Saya bersujud kepada kamu bahawa berikan lah kesemua kembali anggota keluarga yang saya kenali dahulunya, sekarang semuanya mengikut rentak sendiri tanpa mengikut melodinya. Ibu yang aku kenali selalunya bersuka-ria kini sudah menjadi singa lapar . Sekali lagi saya berkata bukan saya membantah kata-kata kamu tapi saya juga mahukan kehidupan saya, seperti anak-anak yang lain, jika tidak saya akan tiada masa depan yang cemerlang, Maaf jika saya terkasar tapi ini semua apa yang saya mahu jelaskan. Saya tahu jika saya punya dua adik yang kecil tapi apakan daya tidak bermaksud saya tidak boleh ada kehidupan saya kan ? Saya boleh cuba membantu tapi agak-agak juga. Semester lalu, saya sudah dimarahi cikgu dan diberikan amaran supaya tidak lambat ke sekolah lagi. Kamu mahu nya saya dibuang sekolah? Walaupun ITE itu banyak buruk cerita tidak bermaksud saya tidak menempuhnya abang, biar pon saya mendapat GPA yang tidak memadai apa yang saya inginkan tapi tetap saya lulus dan saya masih mahu bersekolah. Tidak seperti anda, ini penjelasan saya.

2010-07-01T02:29:00.000-07:00

I LOVE YOU !!!!

BYE !!!

-CHIP AND DALE-

Feeling So Pissed Off With Someone

2010-05-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

Now currently at RC with my Dayat. After watching dvd, happens recently this evening I was in the bus 900 fetching my two kambings after school. Then saw someone isharizad. He's with a girl.

Reflection, after that was I felt pissed off don't why, it's like I don't even like him or anything it's like natural you know sometimes you yourself can't tell what's going on and what's going to happen. I was thinking that maybe I was still mad and ca't get over him. But still I have my Dayat, :)

I delete what got to do with isharizad eventually. And now, I'm focusing with things that are totally in a mess right now, and I'm helpless, and clueless what's going to happen with my current family situation. But still I must be strong and willing to take the challenge. Weekend not goona meet Dayat

Exams is about 1 week times to recap and revise on notes, trying my best to get what I could atleast and maintain my A's and B's :)
Poor baby tired and sleepy, but still accompany me whereever I go, Awww:)
love you so much, the sad thing is that can't meet him oftenly now, due to busy with family and school.
I'm not in the mood right now to blog ARGGHHHH...

A Day Spend With Hidayat Kambing

2010-05-09T05:49:00.000-07:00

Slept at 2+ after talking otp with my baby bacin.

I'm sorry for not updating my blog as I'm currently busy with my school work and stuff with exam around.

Exams is like 3 more weeks and I'm not well-prepared enough especially EFC module because I really hate that module as it has nothing got to do with the relevant course that we are in duhh.

And the only reason the module that is important to us because of English and the Business writing letter.

Like wtf and wth is must be English. I don't like English out of all, maybe i love English just because of writing some love poems or poetry. haix:(

How I wish the module doesn't exist at all. Then I'll be luckiest person, speaking about luckiest person on friday, my dad came back from work and found a bag of clothes, and indeed new clothes with price tag on, its like WOW! to me. And i got something to give to bella, she will be HELL happy tomorrow. Surprise for her.. hehehe:)

Then now, today, meet HIDAYAT kambing at RC, at 1+ and went to WDL library, guess WHAT kene HALAU lagi dengan security TUA nak mampos dan takde tempat nak suroh kite cari tempat meja. wtf betol.

Then went to CWP go dinner eat at banquet. I'm buying nasi ayam bakar solo, while he buying tomyam ban-mian noodles. And we had a fearfactor, actually it's him, i dare him to eat chilli padi and nasi ayam penyet that i'm eating with chilli padi and also the nasi ayam penyet chilli. LOL.

HE ALMOST CRIED , AHAHAHA kecian anak razlee. cakap sahaje melayu suntik, belacan, tapi tak makan pedas !!!

okay lah until here lah bye blogy sayang kau sangatsangat.

2010-04-21T03:45:00.000-07:00

wheee--- countdown tomorrow it's my burfdae !!!

and im 18 !!!! woohooo !!!

2010-04-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

hello !!! im back to blogg again after its been awhile. now currently at outside the wdls library with my beloved bear-bear. im pissed off with upcoming things going on and on and on.. its like no end .... but i know there will be and end sooner ... my burfdae its like on thurs 22nd april... and few more days to go... many things need to be completed urgently, ics project, lla journal, floorball commitment, family and friends... still doing my report on women's charter and my bear-bear helping me to do it and im sososo tired after training floorball... had fun with seniors and apr's intake many pretty girls oiii !!! now, training got two day of trained, monday is with coach, wednesday is PT at stadium... wheee-- got new shoe, PUMA lahh oitt ... bella sorry, not trying to make you jealous but its like im falling in love with it.. looking back at this picture make me remind of those crazy times during bbq and the toon thingy, hehehe, but still another outing we will have right PEOPLE ...??!!

i'm thinking of after our exams and everything is settle-down then we can plan okay, maybe not a GOOD one but a PERFECT one ... to let us remember those times together with laughter... hehehe..... :) okaylaa ... doing research on my ics....

baby, i love you so , thankyou for helping me in my project and accompany me until midnight and still tomorrow you're schooling and you're staying and bedok.. its like hujung tanjung kan... alahai ... you don't want to listen to me ... mati-mati want to teman me... hehehe:)) love you so much !!!

2010-03-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

im nervous shit now !
200310, meeting someone in particular ..
is it a meeting or what ?? waduhh ...
many things is playing in my mind ....
helphelphelp !!!

SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT?

2010-02-25T22:14:00.000-08:00

I'M BLOGG'IN AGAIN. LOL:) I'M FEELING BETTER NOW BUT STILL, SOMTHING IS BOTHERING ME.
WHICH IS I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TELL AROUND ABOUT IT'S A MATTER OF TIME I GUESSED..
FEELING HAPPY ? YES. FEELING SAD ? YES. FEELING DOWN ? YES. FEELING CURIOUS ? YES. THESE ARE WHAT FEELINGS THAT I HAD NOW CURRENTLY DUE TO A PERSON JUST TAKE MY LOVE AWAY. HMMSSS...
EVER WONDER THAT HAVING SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS YOU BUT YOU JUST KEPT QUIET AND END UP THE PERSON IS WITH SOEMONE ELSE?
NOT REALLY HE'S WITH SOMEONE ELSE BUT JUST ASSUMING THAT HE'S WITH SOMEONE ELSE. AND MAYBE IT JUST BE RIGHT IF WE ARE JUST BESTFRIEND. I'M HAPPY WITH SCHOOL LIFE NOW EVEN SOMETIMES, CLASS VERY NOISE BUT ITS GREAT YOU LET OUT EVERYTHING YOU FELT RIGHT ..? WITH THOSE PHASE TEST AND UPCOMING PROJECTS AROUND THE CORNER, I'M PREPARED BUT NOT WELL-PREPARED WITH THE RESULT THAT I MIGHT HAVE. JUST GOT BACK MRGODFFREY TEST AND I PASS ATLEAST A GRADE D OR C I GUESSED IN BETWEEN THE TWO. I'LL GUESSED I MUST TRIED HARDER NEXT TIME. PRACTICE MAKE PERFECT RIGHT..? NOW DOING MRLEON WEEK9 THINGG, SEARCH FOR THE QNS THAT BEING ASKED BUT GOT THE DIFFERENT THINGG WTH! HAIXXX... :( SOBSOB..
MANY THINGS HAVE CHANGES THAT I CAN SEEN FROM EVERYONE EVEN MYSELF. *NOOFFENCE* LOVING SOMEONE IS NOT AN EASY TASK BUT IT'S AN EASY JOB WHEN YOU UNDERSTANDS SOMEONE AND WILLING TO GIVE A PORTION OF YOUR TIME WITH THAT PERSON, BUT WHEN TIME PASSES, I REALISE THAT I'M GIVING MYSELF TO LOVE SOMEONE BUT NOT TO BELOVED BY SOMEONE. THAT'S WHERE I WHEN WRONG EVENTUALLY. HOW I WISHED I COULD ASKED HIM RIGHT AWAY. BUT I CAN'T HURT SOMEONE'S FEELING JUST LIKE WHAT I HURT MYSELF NOW. THINKING OF WHAT HE'S DOING RIGHT NOW, HEHEHEHE:) BUT I JUST CAN'T GET IT OFF MY MIND NOW. WHENEVER SOMEONE TALKING TO YOU NO MATTER ITS ON THE PHONE OR WITH YOU WALKING DOWN THE PATH SIDE BY SIDE, EVER THOUGHT THAT HE IS BESIDE YOU AND HE IS TALKING TO YOU AND SHARE WITH YOU EVERYTHING THAT HE THINKS IT WILL BE THE BEST TO TELL YOU RATHER THEN NOT TELLING YOU...? HOW IS IT FEEL LIKE AFTER THE CONVERSATION ? MANY THINGS IS PLAYING ON YOUR MIND RIGHT .. ? LOL:) SAME GOES TO ME.. BUT HE DID CLARIFY THINGS WITH ME BUT STILL I'M JUST NOT REALLY SURE ABOUT IT... PLEASEPLEASE STOP THIS LOVEMUSIC THINGY FOR GODNESS SAKE. BEGG YOU:[ MAII:)

having tough times

2010-02-24T20:37:00.000-08:00

Ever notice how's your life without someone whom you love?
Ever imagine how's life wothout something you love? Music ? Friends ?
Ever reflect how's your life would be like in the dark ?
How would these come across towards you and what would you do in the first place ?
Times passes by very fast and you didn't realise that you have grown into a teen or maybe a
young adult ?
Complicated things happen to you and your love ones. But you're strong to overcome with.
You decide to not control on everything that's happens in life but still you're just siting alone thinking what's the best for you and others to gain the respect that you should earn and gain from someone.
Looking now, i'm having this feelings that i just thought about in life, how would it be down the road. How's your future be like ? How's your friends is like ? Will you able to take the responsibility ? Still thinking but i just can't many things is playing in my mind such that like a music playing in me.
im off .. mr goffrey class.

ps: life is simple yet people make it complicated.

2010-02-09T02:27:00.000-08:00

Monday080210, was my phase test, and guessed what, i didn't expect that MRLEON, would asked me such QNS that i almost everything remembered but i guess i was being nervous or maybe scared due to that i didn't ANS most of the QNS but still i did tried my best to passed. Still i need to improved on my topic on the first week of lesson about percaution thingy.. haix.. veryvery sad..
But guessed what?! MRGODFFERY, lesson, he said something about the outing to the homes thingy then, he also told the class that the class ASST-CLASS REP??
*BLURBLUR* hahaha.. i just don't want anything to happen to me bcs you might never know what will happen today or day after tomorrow right ?
Hmms, *inhale* but still i have a duty to run but not too much due to i have alotlotlot of ASSIGNMENT to do and learn and also catch-up with others..
After class ends, ECF is the last lesson, i do'nt really understand what MDMSITI trying to tell me, maybe bsc im not that fast to understand things with GOODENGLISH words myabe.. I just need sometime to get use of those what she's trying to teached me, ohhhh, yaallahh ... *mengeluh* Then, when to floorball is was fun indeed bsc the COACH was there yesterday. lol. :)
We had some so called FRIENDLYMATCH for training and also did learn some new techniques on how to hold a floorball stick and which is the stick that is suitabable for you. :)) had a GREATGREAT time with the seniors ESP 'rad'. ahahaha:)
Tuesday090210, today was quite short time spend but still, did something worth at school such as SW, train myself for NAPFATEST. i reallyreally badly want to have the shape of my own for the last time, i want to rid-off most of my fats.. having a good diet and balance meal.
Goshh... now at wdls library with ZULbesty:) waiting for heed:) bella:) malee:) to do the research thing on oral hygiene and diabetes. While waiting i'm almost already done just to discuss with them.. bcs for me i use to do on my own work without much guidance. hehehe, *nooffence*. hahaha. lol. having a loud laughing at wdl library. maleemaleemalee. hehehe. :)
okay then, im going off now.. MESSY:)

2010-01-25T00:28:00.000-08:00

ps: to person that im not hating but his making me sick:(

recently happen, i had this feelings that something is not right is going on.
actuallie happen that didi> my ex' told his soccermates to help him look after me.
such that who am i with, what am i doing in sch, how am i doing in sch? etcetcetc.
its so sickening me, you knw and i veri pissed off cos its like as if he STALKING me siaa.
walaoweii -- bencibencibenci.
ahahaha. i miss my humptydumpty, didnt believe what i just said but its true i just don't know why, i just can't help it that the bond is growing between us, like use to said noting is impossible if u make things complicated for urself.
i'm happyhappy with sch even if its takes sometimes for me to adapt with new friends
but still UC1001A rockmyWORLD . LOL:)) smilebigbig :)
even if you had badDAY! ermm, so now .. mondayBLUES:) so down and very down
still tell myslf to be happy and still be happy:)
IM TALKING CRAPS:)

qoute for everyone to share

2009-12-22T03:10:00.000-08:00

Compromise anything but love
Dreams are free so free your dreams
Excellence is not an act but a habit
True friends are never apart, maybe in distance, but not in heart
Be true to yourself !

More coming up... heheheh :)

Searching more and doing more quote for myself ... :) Happy reading ...

i hate this rain '.'

2009-02-26T03:35:00.000-08:00

today is a bad day as i was runnig back to catch the bus and guess what?!!

it was rainning... like shit like that.. my shirt all get wet .. and i'm FREAKING COLD..

2 months passes by and it have been a great to me as i have new friends indeed we already a close friends.

hmm.. recently incident happend, a conversation between a GUY and a GURL..

THE CONVERSATION GOES LIKE THIS..

the guy: hey, i know u really hate me by now. And i don't want me to disturb u anymore.

i just wanna say that i'm sorry for whatever have happend.. i have NO intention at all to

hurt u. thanks for wat u have did so far and being there for me, i'm gonna MISS you; bye:(

the gurl: hmm okay then whatever you said lahh.. i dun mind.. but still unitl now HE msgs me.. BOREDOM!

I GOT THE NOTE FROM SOMEWHERE.

When i put in to paper i do not see just black and white, i recognise the many subtleties of grey. Like life, ink possesses an ambiguty, a sense of mystery, and the promise of possibilities. It becomes a portal that draws out my imagination, all owing images to manifest themselves. The smoothe effortless glide of the brush over the paper posseses a simple and relaxing elegancel have not found elsewhere. At this point, my painting are about challenging conventions.

2009-02-24T11:38:00.000-08:00

Yo, greetings,

ThyeChuan.